Neil from Bramham (Supreme Leader…Apparently) — Doom Machine

Neil From Bramham (Supreme Leader… Apparently)
Verse 1
Neil from Bramham packed his bags and said, “Right then, I’m off home,”
Two weeks out in Thailand and a sunburnt garden gnome.
Through Doha airport half asleep, with flip-flops on his feet,
When passport control waved him through with rather too much heat.
They whispered in the office and they bowed their heads in awe—
Neil said, “What’s all this palaver for?”
Chorus
Oh it’s Neil from Bramham, that’s what the tannoy said,
“Attention passengers: Iran’s new Supreme Leader has been led—
To Gate 42 for tea and maybe extra bread.”
Neil said, “Hang on mate, I just want beans on toast instead!”
Verse 2
They brought him robes and fancy hats and asked about the state,
A hundred men with notebooks sat politely round the gate.
They said, “Your Eminence, what wisdom shall we follow from today?”
Neil said, “Always brew the tea before you start the working day.
And if tha’s making chips at home, don’t mess about with salt—
A splash of vinegar’s the fault.”
Chorus
Oh it’s Neil from Bramham, that’s what the tannoy said,
“Attention passengers: Iran’s new Supreme Leader has been led—
To Gate 42 for tea and maybe extra bread.”
Neil said, “Hang on mate, I just want beans on toast instead!”
Verse 3
Back home his mum in Bramham said, “That can’t be right, our Neil,
He once tried fixing t’boiler with a spanner and a wheel.”
But halfway round the world they’d hung his photo on the wall,
And diplomats were nodding like he’d planned it all along.
Neil sighed and said, “Well while I’m here, we’ll sort a couple things—
First round of Yorkshire tea’s on me!”
Final Chorus (loud)
Oh it’s Neil from Bramham, that’s what the tannoy said,
“Attention passengers: Iran’s new Supreme Leader has been led—
To Gate 42 for tea and maybe extra bread.”
Neil said, “Hang on mate, I just want beans on toast instead!”